Anything For Selenas
My younger brother, Rob, bought a new skate deck recently. The design is a black and white photo of Lisa Bonet, a childhood crush of his and lady crush of mine for as long as I can remember — mostly since she embodied the type of cool that I always wanted for myself. Effortless and unapologetic, there’s nothing forced about her.
“There’s another deck I want of Selena, but it’s not on sale yet. It’s still full price.”
“Dude, just get it. It’s Selena, man. It’s worth it.”, I told him. In truth, I wanted the deck for myself despite not knowing how to skateboard at all and even when I tried when I was younger, I fell on my ass multiple times and couldn’t balance properly to save my life. But I just wanted that skateboard because it had Selena’s face on it.
I have always had a “secret” love of Selena. Rooted in my introduction to her music which surprisingly came from my dad. Dad had an interesting music collection which ranged from jazz to surf rock to a wide range of world music. I always wondered what prompted him to pick up her “Dreaming Of You” album. At the time, Selena was much younger than all the other artists my dad usually listened to. I remember hearing Selena’s dreamy vocals while doing my homework in my room as dad played her album while sitting in his makeshift tool room. A room he built and converted from a shoe closet underneath our stairs into a place he could sit and hide for hours — listening to music he loved and building his latest project in peace. He had that album on heavy rotation, too. I cannot remember what he was building at the time but I do remember that he loved the “Dreaming of You” track a lot. Dad was a romantic, I always thought. So it made sense to me that he had the queen of Tejano music’s most popular track on repeat — making me sleep better at night knowing that he was playing it so much since it reminded him of his love for my mom. Now that I’m grown and with some distance from my childhood, of course my father probably just loved how beautiful Selena was on her album cover. Growing up in a home full of men (I also have three brothers), images of beautiful women were constantly strewn across bedroom walls or book and album covers — dad’s adoration of Selena was probably no different than my brothers’. She was beautiful in soul and body.
My father died 12 years ago and the memories which pop up for me from time to time are always joyful and garnished with random details. Since his death, much of my confidence and pride developed increasingly from my knowing that my character mirrored his. He was generous and kind. Strong and built with an unwavering moral compass which was the guiding light of our family for each day he walked this earth. Other members of our family always came to him for help and he never turned them away. Despite not having enough for ourselves at times, my parents always found a way to help. My dad loved to laugh too — his laugh was booming and boisterous. And I laugh just like that. Despite my mother’s wishes for me to laugh more ladylike (insert eye roll here), I laugh with my whole body since it connects me to my father in some way. A favorite memory of mine is when he laughed so hard after farting in an airport shuttle during a family trip to Orlando. After quietly doing the deed, he rolled the windows up and waited patiently… after it finally hit us, my mom did her usual arm punch while being humorously angry at him — we all laughed and died quietly from the stench while covering our noses. What I remember most was the laughter that filled that shuttle and how much my dad prided himself in being the cause of it.
Bidi bidi bom bom — I shake and dance in my car whenever I play this. Selena is a strong trigger for these kinds of family memories for me. Even with memories as mundane as doing my homework while hearing her voice from my father’s hideout opens a Pandora’s box of other memories which lifts my spirits. I welcome the image or mention of Selena whenever it comes to me now. From my bro’s choice in skateboards, to the random Selena shoutout tweets by Shea Serrano, to my cousin’s t-shirt, to just about anything connected to Selena Quintanilla. I love that Selena continues to live in the hearts of those who love her. And I love that playing her music gives me the space to continue loving my dad in a way that feels so real and designed just for me.
